


Things Just Aren't Okay

by YourLocalPriestess



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I had to write some suffering, come on now, ish, set in me3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 02:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11704800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourLocalPriestess/pseuds/YourLocalPriestess
Summary: Shepard is beginning to have some doubts about letting Kaidan back onto the ship after what happened between them on Horizon, so she goes to confront him about it.





	Things Just Aren't Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Day 4 of Fanfiction Writing Month. Prompt: Something You Don't Ship. So have some Shenko suffering! ^_^

Shepard’s hand hovered over the control panel to open the door to the observatory. She clenched her fist and bit her lip. She shouldn’t have come. She shouldn’t feel her body betraying her every second she saw him, as she descended into sweaty palms and a racing heart like some goddamn teenager. She shouldn’t be so willing to forget the way her turned away and left her.

She shouldn’t have let him on her ship.

With a deep breath, she straightened and palmed the control. The door slid open in a quiet rush. As she stepped in, Kaidan turned away from the window. His gaze softened as it landed on her, freezing her in her tracks. The only sound between them was that of the door sliding shut behind her.

After a while, he coughed once and took one step forward. “Alex. How are you?”

Small talk? That’s how he wanted to start this? The way he let her name roll off his tongue so casually – after three years, after she’d mourned for their love, after every lonely night she’d spent in tears – made her feel sick. She wanted to punch him.

“Don’t,” was all she managed. “You don’t get to call me that.” The hurt in his eyes cut her, but she held her ground.

He took another step forward and reached out. “Alex–”

“I said _don’t_!”

Her shout froze him in his tracks, much as he had done to her when she walked in. He pursed his lips and let his arms fall to his side.

“Shepard.” His voice was too soft, a deadly assault on her anger that brought hot tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

A small puff of air passed through her lips as treacherous tears streamed down her face. “No,” she said, shaking her head and not tearing her eyes from his, even as her vision clouded. “No, you– you don’t just get to say you’re sorry and expect this to be _better_.” She swallowed once and took a step back. “You _left_ me,” she whimpered. She didn’t care if she looked weak. She didn’t care that her voice was strangled and cracking. “You made that choice, and _I_ had to face the consequences.”

He took a few steps forward, making her flinch back. His face crumpled in response and he ran a hand over his face.

“I made a mistake. I trusted– It doesn’t matter. I didn’t trust _you_. You were standing right in front of me, a miracle on legs, and all I saw was a lie. There was no way the woman I fought with, the woman I loved, could just be back. Not when I mourned her. Not when I buried her. Not when I heard you die.”

“That’s not an excuse,” she choked out, voice still all wrong. “If you had taken more than ten minutes of your life to fucking talk to me, you would’ve known that.”

“I know.” Now his voice was jagged at the edges now, his own heartbreak finally showing through the cracks. “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Shepard tried to hold onto her anger, she did, but it wasn’t worth it. She let out a sob and collapsed forward, falling into his arms. She clung to his back and let her tears stain his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. She left the wetness of his cheeks fall onto the top of her head as he pressed a kiss into her hairline.

“I’m sorry,” he said, again and again, until she stopped crying. Until he stopped crying. Until they were only holding each other in comfortable silence.

After a while, she pulled back. She didn’t really want to. It had been too long since he held her, since she was held by anyone, but she had couldn’t just stay here when there was work to do. Even if she wanted to.

She wiped her eyes and straightened, trying to let her Commander-face fall back into place. When she looked up at him and saw him smiling softly, she couldn’t help but return it.

Before she could think better of it, she tiptoed and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to his lips, and pulled back again. He looked dumbfounded, his hands hovering in the air where they’d almost wrapped around her.

“This doesn’t mean we’re okay,” she threw out, voice tight.

“I know.”

“I’m being serious, Kaidan. We’ll have to work at this.”

“I know.” He tucked some stray hair behind her ear and let his hand linger on her cheek. “But I want to try.”

Her cheeks flushed and she blinked. “Okay. Well, then, I’ll be going. I’ll see you later Major.”

He smiled at her as he watched her go. “See you later, Shepard.”

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously cannot thank you enough for reading this. You are good and kind and lovely and I don't deserve you. any comments/kudos/what-have-yous are appreciated <3


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